You work away behind a keyboard for hours editing, drafting, doubting and when you can, promoting. Every spare moment seems to be spent dreaming up ideas, scheming expeditions for the next post, drooling over instagram, catching snippets of phrases just as you slip into sleep, taking photos from every single angle possible, catching miffed expressions from dining companions watching their meals cool and creates competitive streaks that often can't be helped.
But the biggest killer of all? Blog Guilt. Totally deserving the sentence caps, it is the guilt of missing a post, not doing something well enough, not capturing *that* shot well enough, self doubt, envy and letting life get in the way of drafting up the image of ourselves we want to present to the world.
For fun. We do this for fun. (Well, the majority of us any way - there are a few incredibly brave bloggers who have taken a dive into the full time uncertainty of professional writing). And yet, it's the best hobby ever.
It takes courage, determination, creativity, fills in the void of midweek TV, can be incredibly cheap, makes a wonderful excuse for treating yourself to luxury, celebrates uniqueness, fires passions, pushes boundaries, breeds unimagined skills (if you don't believe me, I'm going record the Techie chats around our next brunch table), creates incredibly supportive networks, helps to achieve and focus dreams, improves grammar (no, seriously, reading is the best way to learn how to hear the hares) and makes for an fantastic life. Sometimes, it even starts to define who you are internally.
Because of blogging I have met some of the most incredible, creative people in the world. All with the same drive and passion for their individual subjects, all with the confidence to have a voice, share their joy and spread the blogging love.
This whole blogging community does bring with it a complex set of emotions. For instance, as a dorky kid who floated from cool clique to music clique to dork clique often in the same day, I feel like I've always been striving some how for nonchalant cool. And failing miserably - unlike many of the people I really admire. Whilst they are just living their lives, conversely I'm the one overthinking everything and writing rambling slightly self-pitying blog posts. And I know that by even admitting to this I'm destroying any semblance of possible cool nonchalance again. Le sigh.
I just need to remember the feeling of the sun on my skin whilst sipping coffee on a cool summer morning. The sound of laughter shared with a good friend over a weekend brunch. Firm hugs. The buzz of creating a weirdly beautiful object. Remember how lucky I am to have such #firstworldproblems in the first place.
I guess sometimes you just have to take yourself by the bootstraps, step back from being needy, suck up that envy and remember that life is too short to immortalize and dwell every negative thing that happens. Forget it, move on and appreciate the now, embracing the positivity.
Do you have these moments too? (This seriously isn't a cry for compliments just a bit of a tangential, cathartic vent...)
Ps. I do still adore blogging :)